[The Horrible Esthete]

Try this:

Cue up Road Apples. Once the opening riff to Little Bones starts, follow this procedure:

1. Grab a large bottle of ________ and pour it all over her ________.

2. Tie her ________ to the ________ and make her ________ as you ________ around the ________ with your _______ in a _________.

3. Apply a thin layer of ________ in and around her ________ until you can ________ your ________ in her ________. Repeat this process using her ________ and your ________, if so desired.

4. After wiping the ________ of her ________, grasp her ________ as you gently ________ her ________. Be sure not to ________ her with your ________.

5. If you really want to ________ her ________, grab a few pieces of ________, a tube of warm ________, and a pair of stainless steel ________. Dip the ________ in the ________ and secure the ________ snugly around her ________ while you jam a rubber ________ up her ________. Chicks always dig that.

6. Once she is ________ than a ________ on a ________, straddle her ________ and ________ that filthy ________ 'til your ________ is as ________ as a Guatamalan ________; and just when she's about to ________, pull your ________ out of her ________ and ________ all over her ________ and ________.

The next day, she will suddenly adore The Hip (especially Road Apples).

Trust me on that one.

You're welcome.