08-27-2004, 11:20 AM
Welcome back Friday.
![[Image: notnowkid.jpg]](http://www3.telus.net/public/ehopkins/funny-pictures/notnowkid.jpg)
"We're forced to bed, but we're free to dream"
Dana
the friday funnies
08-27-2004, 11:43 AM
ahahahahaha
took me a second to figure out why that was funny, but man. :lol:
That roo's got it made, havin his way and getting fed.
took me a second to figure out why that was funny, but man. :lol:
That roo's got it made, havin his way and getting fed.
08-27-2004, 03:50 PM
Holy shit, it's every man's fantasy...a feast and a fuck at the same time!
08-27-2004, 05:00 PM
:what :what :lol:
Kids are so innocent..he has no idea :lol:
Kids are so innocent..he has no idea :lol:
08-27-2004, 10:55 PM
Just thought I'd drop these in. Enjoy....
HER DIARY:
Sunday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.
He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.
On the way home, I told him that I loved him; he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say I love you too when we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there watching TV and seemed distant and absent.
Finally, I decided to go to bed, about 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise, he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. I decided that I could not take it anymore so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep.
I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.
My life is a disaster.
HIS DIARY:
Packers lost today, but at least I got laid.
_________________________________________________
Things that are difficult to say when you are drunk....
a) Innovative
b) Preliminary
c) Proliferation
d) Cinnamon
Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk ...
a) Specificity
b) British Constitution
c) Passive-aggressive disorder
d) Transubstantiate
Things that are DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk ...
a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.
b) Nope, no more booze for me.
c) Sorry, but you're not really my type
d) No kebab for me, thank you.
e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
f) I'm not interested in fighting you.
g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.
h) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have zero co-ordination.
I) Where is the nearest toilet? I simply refuse to vomit in the street.
j) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning
___________________________________________________
A mother and her young son were flying Westjet Airlines from Edmonton to Calgary.
The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer that wouldn't lead to items she was not prepared to discuss with her still-too-young son) told him to ask the stewardess.
So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy admitted that this was the case. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Westjet always pulls out on time. Your mother can explain it to you.
____________________________________________________
HER DIARY:
Sunday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.
He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.
On the way home, I told him that I loved him; he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say I love you too when we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there watching TV and seemed distant and absent.
Finally, I decided to go to bed, about 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise, he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. I decided that I could not take it anymore so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep.
I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.
My life is a disaster.
HIS DIARY:
Packers lost today, but at least I got laid.
_________________________________________________
Things that are difficult to say when you are drunk....
a) Innovative
b) Preliminary
c) Proliferation
d) Cinnamon
Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk ...
a) Specificity
b) British Constitution
c) Passive-aggressive disorder
d) Transubstantiate
Things that are DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk ...
a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.
b) Nope, no more booze for me.
c) Sorry, but you're not really my type
d) No kebab for me, thank you.
e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
f) I'm not interested in fighting you.
g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.
h) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have zero co-ordination.
I) Where is the nearest toilet? I simply refuse to vomit in the street.
j) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning
___________________________________________________
A mother and her young son were flying Westjet Airlines from Edmonton to Calgary.
The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer that wouldn't lead to items she was not prepared to discuss with her still-too-young son) told him to ask the stewardess.
So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy admitted that this was the case. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Westjet always pulls out on time. Your mother can explain it to you.
____________________________________________________
09-03-2004, 10:33 PM
This was sent to me this week and I thought it was worth sharing...
Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerated her, and some of the males actually joined in.
One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. "STOP!", he shouted in firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?"
Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. "OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.
As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted, "STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?" Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said, "Carry on, ma'am."
As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front door, Crazy Craig steped out in front of her, stark naked, holding a very sizable erection in his hand.
"Oh, good grief," said Ethel, "Not the breathalyzer again!"
:lol:
Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerated her, and some of the males actually joined in.
One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. "STOP!", he shouted in firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?"
Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. "OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.
As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted, "STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?" Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said, "Carry on, ma'am."
As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front door, Crazy Craig steped out in front of her, stark naked, holding a very sizable erection in his hand.
"Oh, good grief," said Ethel, "Not the breathalyzer again!"
:lol:
09-04-2004, 11:40 AM
Hahaha..."Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"...
I guess that's from the same Catholic wingnuts who brought you "You're a Naughty, Naughty Child and That's Concentrated Evil Coming Out the back Of You!"
I guess that's from the same Catholic wingnuts who brought you "You're a Naughty, Naughty Child and That's Concentrated Evil Coming Out the back Of You!"
11-12-2004, 02:52 PM
Happy Friday.
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"We're forced to bed, but we're free to dream"
Dana
11-12-2004, 03:08 PM
Tthip Wrote:Happy Friday.
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Haha...I love silly, pointless stuff like that...
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