I've never sought a love interest online, but I find myself in the in the embryonic stages of a relationship which, seemingly by fate, began in cyberspace. I realize that my posting about this opens me up to all sorts of jibing, but quite frankly, I don't really care.
I am completely blown away by her; we seem to be a terrific match. We share many interests, attitudes, and personality traits, and have learned a great deal about one another through e-mailings and telephone conversations - and done so perhaps more quickly than we might otherwise have in a more conventional, face-to-face encounter. We've exchanged photos, and like what we see. [And yes - she does know and like The Hip!] It would be a colossal understatement to say we are both ecstatic and very eager to meet in person.
This weekend, we plan to do just that. Perhaps the only drawback is the distance separating us, which is a good day’s drive....hardly an obstacle when everything feels so right. Though I must say that the newness and unfamiliarity of such an experience brings with it a measure of trepidation -- the process is essentially backwards compared to every other romantic encounter I’ve experienced. The physical, interpersonal chemistry, which is often what draws two together, remains an unknown quantity. The next step is more or less a leap of faith.
So why am I posting this? Well, I guess I’m seeking some encouragement to settle my nerves, or perhaps some advice that might better prepare me for what I’m about to dive into. Where better than an online community to find some who might have some experience with this sort of thing?
Has anyone here experienced a similar circumstance? If so, was there any aspect you hadn’t considered that might have been helpful to be cognizant of before that first visit? Any input would be greatly appreciated....
Haven't experienced that before, but I think if you're feeling any of the 'stigma' of having a relationship that started online, you should get over it.
I think you've taken all the necessary steps to ensure you're not meeting some 300-pound dude (always a good move), and the internet is now a legitimate way to meet people.
And yeah, you are taking a leap of faith, but if you seem to share a lot of traits, I'd say theres a better than 50 per cent chance you will have some sort of chemistry. And if I were you, I'd like those odds.
good luck.
I used to do some online dating (what can i say, I suck at meeting girls in person). I've always touted it as an inverse way of meeting someone. You get to know the insides usually before you see the outside. While picking up at the bar is reversed......
I hope it works out for you. I ran into some ok people doing it, and I've also come across a few nutjobs. I always liked the people who provided 5 year old photos that look nothing like them anymore.......
but my overall experience was good, and as bones said, it's the new way of meeting people, so you shouldn't feel embarrassed or anything.
I think Eric pretty much sums up what I would advise. If you feel that you've taken all the necessary step to ensure that the person you've connected with is being honest about herself and her feelings, then go for it! There probably will be a few naysayers that you encounter but I think the whole internet dating thing is quickly becoming less and less stigmatized.
Two important points:
1) Be sure that her photos are accurate. If they're outdated, she may have gained/lost weight, hair, limbs etc. in the interim. You are warned.
2) Make sure she actually is a Hip fan...none of that, "Oh! Yeah...I...like them", as she frantically googles the band. :lol:
Good luck Esthete!
-Jenna
Nothing wrong with online dating, so long as you don't have a problem with it. Good points have been made about photos, but also that you get to know someone from the inside out and how they are wired and what they are like.
Nerves are normal, and probably intensified if your only conversations have been online and you aren't sure what she looks like. So, just look forward to meeting and have fun, don't worry about what anyone else thinks until you actually meet her. The distance may be a pain, but that's going to be the case regardless of how you meet someone if you end up in a long distance relationship. They can work, and do you just have to let that part go until the distance actually causes a problem because if you worry about what "might" happen or what "could" happen, you aren't going to give it your all
Just my two cents
Oooh, some good feedback already - thank you.....
Just a bit of clarification: I'm not at all embarassed by what others might think (I certainly wouldn't have posted this if I had) - I just thought some Hipbasers (aka Sarcasm Central) might have a little fun at my expense, which is quite alright.
The only thing unnerving is what Gangrel alludes to when he describes it as "the inverse way of meeting someone". It's unchartered territory for me.
The Horrible Esthete Wrote:Oooh, some good feedback already - thank you.....
Just a bit of clarification: I'm not at all embarassed by what others might think (I certainly wouldn't have posted this if I had) - I just thought some Hipbasers (aka Sarcasm Central) might have a little fun at my expense, which is quite alright.
The only thing unnerving is what Gangrel alludes to when he describes it as "the inverse way of meeting someone". It's unchartered territory for me.
I have two friends - each married the person they met online - and they are all very happy and are all good friends. I don't think it's wierd at all. Just be careful and let somebody know where you are etc. Better to be safe than sorry. Other than that - have a great time!
I first talked to my gf on Livejournal :lol: .
My advice is to play it casually, because if it doesn't work between you, there's still a lot of salmon in the ocean...
FighterAndLover Wrote:I first talked to my gf on Livejournal :lol: .
My advice is to play it casually, because if it doesn't work between you, there's still a lot of salmon in the ocean...
I agree. At times, emotions can run high, so don't go asking the girl to marry you because you have something completely mundane in common, like, enthusiasm for red meat, or an appreciation for terrible puns. Also, Fighter is right. If things don't work out between you and this chick there are plenty other salmon out there. :lol:
-Jenna
The Horrible Esthete Wrote:The only thing unnerving is what Gangrel alludes to when he describes it as "the inverse way of meeting someone". It's unchartered territory for me.
And I think I felt the same way when that realization hit me. We're so used to scanning the room, picking out someone that catches our eye, THEN trying to pick them up and getting to know them.
Online, you get a picture which may (or may not) be an accurate represntation of a person, but you're mostly talking/MSNing/on the phone for a while, so you get to know them on a conversational level, THEN you meet and see if the chemistry is there.
As much as the saying goes "Looks don't matter", that is true to a point, I'm a firm beleiver that there has to be SOME kind of spark to go on, else what's the point?
But just follow the other's advice, and you'll be fine. Don't be afraid to hang out, and if you decide she's not Blonde Solid, go back home. At the worst, you got a day's worth of entertainment. At best, someone to watch Hipeponymous with.
Like MAv, I have a friend who met her husband online, and they are happy after 2 years of marriage and 2 dogs....
Online dating was before my time, but if I was single today I wouldn't hesitate to use it. In fact, I wouldn't even bother trying to meet women at the traditional outlets. I've got a couple of colleagues who are currently involved with women they met online, and one is engaged to be married later this year.
But, based on what I've seen around here lately, DON'T let her know about Hipbase. Some people take interesting measures to try to get their revenge for a relationship that has soured.
It looks the way you
don't try to meet women is by going on a TV show.
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Poor kids. If you can't find your true love from a pre-determined selection of attention starved women looking for celebrity status, then where o where can you find it?
cferneyh Wrote:But, based on what I've seen around here lately, DON'T let her know about Hipbase. Some people take interesting measures to try to get their revenge for a relationship that has soured.
That's a good point. You never can be sure, but part of what has me so smitten by this girl is that she seems far too intelligent / mature / respectful to lower herself to such a level.
I think your approach to how you are meeting this lady is the right way to go. I met the love of my life through Friendster and it took a good two-three months of chatting and talking on the phone before we took the step of meeting each other for the first time. One question though, how far is the distance between the two of you? I dated a woman from Toronto while I was living in Milwaukee and the hardest thing to get used to was only seeing each other once or twice a year for a couple weeks. Dating long distance is actually easier once you know for sure in your heart and your head that you are committed to this person because, although you miss each other terribly, you have a stronger bond with each other compared to a relationship where you are still feeling your way. Good luck! :thumb:
That could be the funniest thing I have seen online in ages...........