12-09-2005, 06:48 PM
Anonymous Confessions of a Campaign Canvasser:
December 6, Hintonburg:
We began the day with a brief bit of stretching. Richard expects to clock more KM’s over this extended election period than any other candidate, and so staying limber is essential. This is especially relevant given our major discovery of the day: most dogs remain undecided. The large and loud variety of pooch seem not even willing to hear us out, but the little fluffers are much easier to sway with a bit of baby talk and a scratch under the chin. Coincidentally, I think that’s how Mackenzie-King brought Woodsworth aboard in 1924.
Overheard Campaign Question Of The Day That The Media Won’t Ask: “Mr. Mahoney; if elected: how would you stretch your quads?”
Bonus question:
“Mr. Mahoney, is this the coolest wood-pecker shaped door knocker you’ve ever seen?”
December 7, Meadowlands Ave:
We noticed today that Richard often sings between houses… but no, he won’t do “When Irish Eyes Are Smiling” upon request… well, maybe if Brian showed up. His Neil Young impression is pretty good, but a drive down Bank Street revealed that his Axl Rose wasn’t quite as strong. If there was ever a man ready for Parliament it’s the guy who can tell you how to improve the immense social good already being done in Hintonburg in between bursts of “Hey hey, my my, rock and roll will never die.”
Overheard Campaign Question Of The Day That The Media Won’t Ask: “Mr. Mahoney, if elected, how would you remove that traffic cone from this massive 50ft Spruce?” To be honest, we were all far more interested in how it got up there in the first place.
December 8, Island Park Drive:
House parties love our candidate, and our candidate loves house parties. Everybody seems to want to shake hands and offer him some pie and coffee. There is however a bit of growing displeasure that these hosts and hostesses don't have enough slices for all of us hard working canvassers. So, if I may make a plea to the fine folks of Ottawa-Centre, if you’re throwing a Christmas party sometime soon, planning ahead for surplus slices of pie would be greatly appreciated. We also discovered today that Richard is the George Chuvalo of door to door canvassing in the winter: he won't go down. A few icy patches have come close to flooring him, and he once nearly pulled a triple-summersaulting-full-gainer coming off an uneven step, but he's remained reliably up right. Mother Nature vs. Richard Mahoney is becoming a blow out... but we feel she may have more in store for us in the coming rounds.
Overheard Campaign Question Of The Day That The Media Won’t Ask: “Mr. Mahoney, what is your favourite type of pie?”
December 6, Hintonburg:
We began the day with a brief bit of stretching. Richard expects to clock more KM’s over this extended election period than any other candidate, and so staying limber is essential. This is especially relevant given our major discovery of the day: most dogs remain undecided. The large and loud variety of pooch seem not even willing to hear us out, but the little fluffers are much easier to sway with a bit of baby talk and a scratch under the chin. Coincidentally, I think that’s how Mackenzie-King brought Woodsworth aboard in 1924.
Overheard Campaign Question Of The Day That The Media Won’t Ask: “Mr. Mahoney; if elected: how would you stretch your quads?”
Bonus question:
“Mr. Mahoney, is this the coolest wood-pecker shaped door knocker you’ve ever seen?”
December 7, Meadowlands Ave:
We noticed today that Richard often sings between houses… but no, he won’t do “When Irish Eyes Are Smiling” upon request… well, maybe if Brian showed up. His Neil Young impression is pretty good, but a drive down Bank Street revealed that his Axl Rose wasn’t quite as strong. If there was ever a man ready for Parliament it’s the guy who can tell you how to improve the immense social good already being done in Hintonburg in between bursts of “Hey hey, my my, rock and roll will never die.”
Overheard Campaign Question Of The Day That The Media Won’t Ask: “Mr. Mahoney, if elected, how would you remove that traffic cone from this massive 50ft Spruce?” To be honest, we were all far more interested in how it got up there in the first place.
December 8, Island Park Drive:
House parties love our candidate, and our candidate loves house parties. Everybody seems to want to shake hands and offer him some pie and coffee. There is however a bit of growing displeasure that these hosts and hostesses don't have enough slices for all of us hard working canvassers. So, if I may make a plea to the fine folks of Ottawa-Centre, if you’re throwing a Christmas party sometime soon, planning ahead for surplus slices of pie would be greatly appreciated. We also discovered today that Richard is the George Chuvalo of door to door canvassing in the winter: he won't go down. A few icy patches have come close to flooring him, and he once nearly pulled a triple-summersaulting-full-gainer coming off an uneven step, but he's remained reliably up right. Mother Nature vs. Richard Mahoney is becoming a blow out... but we feel she may have more in store for us in the coming rounds.
Overheard Campaign Question Of The Day That The Media Won’t Ask: “Mr. Mahoney, what is your favourite type of pie?”