[Gov'tMule]

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 280 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.
Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.
Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
Sweetheart: What's the matter?
Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.
Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

[Gov'tMule]

I.F.: You ready yet? Im bearing to go!
SexyKarla17: Yhea im slipping out of my clothes right now, what do you look like?
I.F.: a Kodiac bear
SexyKarla17: ?
I.F.: Im soft naked, fuzzy and waiting for you to come mount me
SexyKarla17: Oh I love cute fuzzy bears, I walk up and get on top of you stroking your soft hair, kissing you gently as my move my way down your stomach
I.F.: I growl to warm you my cubs are near
SexyKarla17: huh?
I.F.: Bears get f**kin pumped when anyone is near their cubs
Sexkarla17: yhea hehe dont be silly..
SexyKarla17: I love how you growl as I continue to kiss you, while taking off your pants.
I.F.: Bears dont wear pants and you should cover yourself in Honey now
SexyKarla17: hehe you would love to lick that off me huh. I pour honey all over my warm wet body waiting for you to start licking it off me slowly
I.F.: I sniff the air to see where the sweet scent of the honey is coming from, while slowly snorting and walking towards you
I.F.: I Growl again, and start to bite you
SexyKarla17: Yhea that feels good..ooooo...not too hard now
I.F.: I bite harder peeling flesh from your stomach, and look up into your eyes to show you my mouth dripping with your warm blood mixed with honey, I then I let my cubs rip apart your limbs and play with you like a ragdoll.
SexyKarla17: what the f**k?
I.F.:uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh and im spent.

[KittieKatFish]

Must be nice to have that much free time.

[fingernailsonhull]

I think these are personal stories from his past. The whole cybersex thing is just a cover.

[thipfan73]

I think these are personal stories from his past. The whole cybersex thing is just a cover.

hehe actually I find them quite amusing. I think that's what they're supposed to be lol :lol:

[Summiteer]

I think these are personal stories from his past. The whole cybersex thing is just a cover.

hehe actually I find them quite amusing. I think that's what they're supposed to be lol :lol:

Ya that was great :lol: :lol: thanx G'Mule :thumb:

[thedarkcanuck]

good stuff mule :thumb:

[chris]

Great for a laugh; thanks.

[Gov'tMule]

I.F.: My s**t is hard you ready to jump aboard?
1hOttYeVe: oh yea im so wet right now
I.F.: Why you just shower?
1hOttYeVe: no im wet for you
I.F.: Did you ever play with supersoakers when you were a kid? or that gator s**t you would dive and slide down, there was that badass pool at the end of it.
1hOttYeVe: What the f**k are you talking about? You wanna cyber or not?
I.F.: I do! Sorry...I just didnt know why you were wet...then you say your wet for me, and im thinking I didnt even throw water on you...
I.F.: Im sorry lets continue!
1hOttYeVe: alright then...I walk over to you and start kissing your neck and chest
I.F.: I pop like 16 boners
1hOttYeVe: what the f**k!
I.F.: what?

-------------------------------------

Partner6: So you're really a 18 yr old girl right?
J-Dogg: Yeah, J for Julie.
Partner6: So whats with the "Dogg"
J-Dogg: Uh, It's cause I'm into the latina gangs and shit. You know, rollin with tha homies and shit.
Partner6: Oh, uh ok thats cool. So you ever seen a gun?
J-Dogg: Yeah like I got 6 guns.
Partner6: Thats cool, so you wanna see my gun?
J-Dogg: hehe, of course baby.
Partner6: I pull off my pants and show you my "gun".
J-Dogg: Ohh, it's so big.
Partner6: Yeah, what you want to do?
J-Dogg: Umm, i guess stroke it or something.
Partner6: It likes that.
J-Dogg: aight.
Partner6: Keep talking to me baby...
J-Dogg: I kiss you on the mouth, hard, but then gently.
Partner6: Mmmm, daddy like.
J-Dogg: I unzip my pants...
Partner6: Yes, show me what you got.
J-Dogg: I pull out my schlong, and rub it on your breasts...
Partner6: WTF?!
J-Dogg: Oh s**t, I meant, your schlong! your schlong!
Partner6: I've had it with you queers trying to cyber me, I only f**k women...
J-Dogg: S**it just don't shoot me man, I wasn't serious about the guns I have, I'm unarmed!
Partner6: You dips**t.
J-Dogg: I whimper to myself...
J-Dogg: please don't shoot me Mr.

---------------------------------------

J-Dogg: I see you in line at the supermarket. Our eyes meet.
Partner8: Who the f**k are you?
J-Dogg: I mouth the words to you, as if in slow motion:
J-Dogg: F**k me, F**k me.
J-Dogg: My wishes are like poetry in your eyes. We want this moment to last forever.
Partner8: OMFG are you trying to cyber me?
J-Dogg: We are like two dancers, for whom the music never stops. I Kiss the top of your hand. You are taken aback by the bulge that forms in your thigh.
Partner8: Is that like cancer?
J-Dogg: If cancer is our love, then I hope you don't have the technology of chemotherapy.
Partner8: Good one romeo.
J-Dogg: You grab the bulge that you feel. you think it must be taking over your mind, theres nothing else you can think of. My tubesteak to you is like a beautiful japanese haiku.

The salmon swim at night.
Towards your room.
The snow and the moon.

Partner8: that was never a haiku.
J-Dogg: To your light bulb I am the Thomas Edison of your sex. Withought my light you would be lost in a sea of darkness.
Partner8: That made even less sense than your "haiku"
J-Dogg: So you ready to f**k then?
Partner8: You unbutton my pants, spew your load at the sight of my underwear, and your spent.
J-Dogg: ...
Partner8: ?
J-Dogg: I'm spent.

-------------------------

Jdogg: Hey
QT-Pie: Hey
Jdogg: whats goin on
QT-Pie: Nothing. Who are you?
Jdogg: Jdogg. Wanna cyber?
QT-Pie: what does that mean?
Jdogg: what are you wearing?
QT-Pie: T-shirt. Jeans.
Jdogg: Garter belt?
QT-Pie: Ummm...no.
Jdogg: Are we gonna cyber or not?
QT-Pie: uh, okay.
Jdogg: Sweet, I start by rubbing your ass all around. You love this.
Jdogg: You're wet already. I can smell your p*ssy stink from here.
QT-Pie: WHAT?!
Jdogg: I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra. Passion fills the room. Your head is close to the ceiling fan.
Jdogg: You leave everything to Jdogg.
Jdogg: I am completely inside of you. You are my dick puppet. I put on a little play.
QT-Pie: This is weird. I should go.
Jdogg: I drop you on the ground, and lay a stripe down your back.
QT-Pie: A stripe?
Jdogg: I need a sandwich.
QT-Pie: You're a freak.
Jdogg: I was great. You loved it.

[Stephen Dame]

Okay... we'll just go ahead and file this one under "certainly not what I was hoping for."

I gotta go put the cap back on the vaseline.

Although I am relieved to find that I'm not the only one into Supersoakers and sex... break out the 700 baby!

[thipfan73]

speaking of nasty and sex, I just HAD to share this.

I was watching that sex lady on OH last night. I just get a kick out of her because she's just not who you expect to deal out sex advice. Anyway, she had someone on the phone who had a boyfriend who liked to pee in her after sex.

EW.

[j-monster]

I actually heard the first one before... someone e-mailed it to me a while back.

The rest of them, um, well, yeah, they're just weird. cratch:

[Stephen Dame]

speaking of nasty and sex, I just HAD to share this.

I was watching that sex lady on OH last night. I just get a kick out of her because she's just not who you expect to deal out sex advice. Anyway, she had someone on the phone who had a boyfriend who liked to pee in her after sex.

EW.

I knew I shoulda left that phone unplugged.

[thipfan73]

speaking of nasty and sex, I just HAD to share this.

I was watching that sex lady on OH last night. I just get a kick out of her because she's just not who you expect to deal out sex advice. Anyway, she had someone on the phone who had a boyfriend who liked to pee in her after sex.

EW.

I knew I shoulda left that phone unplugged.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

We knew you were a freak Stephen, come on ADMIT IT!!!!

[Dilly_sAm]

That is the funniest thing I have read in a while.