[Douglas]

I love the internet, especially all the great advice it gives me everyday. I think it wants me to buy a house since Ive been pre-approved for about 20 mortgages this year, I better call a realtor soon just in case I miss out. Not to mention all the great stock tips I get, I think Im going to go empty my savings and pour it all into mysterious stocks Ive never heard of. And I dont know how the internet read my mind, but lately I have been thinking of enlarging my penis by 3 feet.

Amazing!!

I love you internet, Im under your power show me the way!!

Haaaammmmmmmmmm..........

You can enleage your penis by 3 feet? Man that would give me 3 feet 3 inches of swinging, ivory thunder. Sweet!

[BulletRiddled]

You can enleage your penis by 3 feet? Man that would give me 3 feet 3 inches of swinging, ivory thunder. Sweet!

I'm going to combine every penis drug in my inbox so I can have a solid 18 feet of stock pickin', cruise winnin', Nigerian fortune inhertin' package at my disposal.


Dear Internet,

Thank you for all of the wonderful opportunities you have given me in the last 10 years. For example, I'm now bored of porn. Also, thanks to you I've now seen a man get raped to death by a horse. Who knows what kind of person I'd be today without having such an image permanently etched in my brain? Thank you for all the wonderful women you have let me date over the years, and I'm sure that some day I'll actually meet one that isn't a complete psychopath. Getting stalked is actually kind of funny once you get used to it. Man, don't even get me started about that one that demanded that I impergnate her on the first date! You're just so damn full of suprises, and I just can't wait to see what kind of horrifying fetish pornography you're going to destroy my few final shreds of hope in humanity with.

Sincerely,
Rob