There's something funny going on in here

There's something funny going on in here - Printable Version

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There's something funny going on in here - thipfan73 - 09-09-2004

A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her. One day she calls home and a strange woman answers.

WIFE: Who is this?
MAID: This is the maid.
WIFE: We don't have a maid.
MAID: I was hired this morning by the man of the house.
WIFE: Well, this is his wife. Is he there?
MAID: He's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I assumed was his wife."

The wife is fuming. She says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make
$50,000?
MAID: Of course! What will I have to do?
WIFE: I want you to take my gun from the desk and shoot him and the woman he's with.
The maid puts the phone down. The wife hears footsteps, then gunshots, then more footsteps.
MAID: What do I do with the bodies?
WIFE: Just drag them out and throw them in the swimming pool.
MAID: There's no pool here.

A long pause...

- grooveless touque - 09-09-2004

A baby seal walks into a bar and sits down. "What can I get you?" asked the bartender. "Anything but a Canadian Club" replied the seal.

Big Grin

- clearlyentranced - 09-09-2004

Hahah that's a good one groove.

- vicariousmartyr - 09-10-2004

A cow walks into a bar.

The bartender says "...Get the fuck out of here".

- vicariousmartyr - 09-10-2004

Whats brown and sticky....

A stick.

Thank you all, youve been a great audience, goodnight.

- vicariousmartyr - 09-10-2004

I know none of that was funny, so save your slandering. Tongue

- thipfan73 - 09-10-2004

vicariousmartyr Wrote:I know none of that was funny, so save your slandering.

hahahah can we bash you with a stick? :lol:

I'll save your butt Tongue

- lord brazle - 09-10-2004

Ha ha ha ha! I love it Wendy!....

But if I had to choose between the two of them... hmmm.... :wink:

- thipfan73 - 09-10-2004

lord brazle Wrote:Ha ha ha ha! I love it Wendy!....

But if I had to choose between the two of them... hmmm.... :wink:

Yeah that would be a hard desicion and the thing is, would Jesus be a Republican, a Democrat or something else?

Re: A funny and Jesus vs. Bush - mr. rogers - 09-10-2004

thipfan73 Wrote:A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her. One day she calls home and a strange woman answers.

WIFE: Who is this?
MAID: This is the maid.
WIFE: We don't have a maid.
MAID: I was hired this morning by the man of the house.
WIFE: Well, this is his wife. Is he there?
MAID: He's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I assumed was his wife."

The wife is fuming. She says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make
$50,000?
MAID: Of course! What will I have to do?
WIFE: I want you to take my gun from the desk and shoot him and the woman he's with.
The maid puts the phone down. The wife hears footsteps, then gunshots, then more footsteps.
MAID: What do I do with the bodies?
WIFE: Just drag them out and throw them in the swimming pool.
MAID: There's no pool here.

A long pause...

haha thats just evil!

- mr. rogers - 09-10-2004

maybe it's just me......i think the problem is everyone in america is black and white, republican or democrat. people trying to persuade the youngin's why one side is evil etc.....no one can be in between. jesus would certainly have democrat visions of welfare and health care, but have republican family morals.
but i think jesus might have both rep/dem views on war. didn't he die fighting for our sins?

.p.s i have no use for cats.

- Dudley - 09-10-2004

Saying the Right Thing

Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He
forces
himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he
sees is a
couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the
side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of
him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks around the room and
sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So
is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a
note on the table "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left
early to go shopping. Love you."
So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a
hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is
also at the table, eating. Marty asks, "Son, what happened
last night?"
> >
His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M.,
drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the
hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled
into the door."
Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is everything in
order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting
for me?"
> >
His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the
bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said,
"Lady, leave me alone, I'm married!"
> >
> >A self-induced hangover - $100.00
> >Broken furniture - $200.00
> >Breakfast - $10.00
> >Saying the right thing - Priceless

- thipfan73 - 09-10-2004

hahah that's a good one!!!

- joshwayy - 09-11-2004

Three friends were captured by canabals...they were taken to the king who said each must pass a trial if they want to live...each of them was directed to go out in to the jungle and collect 10 of the same kind of fruit and return for the next part. They each scattered and very quickly the first returned with 10 apples. The king said, congradulations, now you must pass the second phase of the trial...you must remain silent as you place each piece of fruit up you butt one at a time...oh boy thought the 1st guy...the first one was ok, but as soon as he got the second halfway in he let out a soft moan....swipe, they cut his head off.

The second guy arrived with ten bluberries just as they were putting the first guys limbs into a pot of boiling water. The king explained the second part of the trial, and the guy assumed from the 7 apples on the ground the first guy couldn't manage the task. He focused, and started...as he pushed the seventh bluberry up his ass...he let out a small chuckle....swipe!

The first and the second guy met up in heaven. The apples guy said what the hell happened, you had it easy with the bluberries. The blueberry guy said...I was doing great them I saw the third guy coming carrying pineapples.

- Dudley - 09-11-2004

HA HA thats beauty.