Monologues - Killerwhaletank - Printable Version

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Monologues - Killerwhaletank - lord brazle - 04-19-2004

Killerwhaletank
(From “New Orleans Is Sinking”)
Please correct errors!

I had a job before this. I had a job before this.
Ultimately it was that job that drove me into this.
I worked at an aquarium, an aquarium
With lots of money from the government
So it was HUGE.

I was a “Clean-And-Scrub-Man”
We called each other in the CNS Union.
I scrubbed the inside of the killer whale tank
And after awhile, the boys in the CNS,
Clean-And-Scrub, we just sort of
Made it one word; the “killerwhaletank”
The “killerwhaletank”, the “killerwhaletank”
I’m going into the “killerwhaletank”

I got along with these two big beasts so well
It was like they knew me
They looked at me with their hundred-year-old eyes
And it was like they knew me
I’d put on my scuba gear, my mask, my regulator
And I’d fall into the tank with nary a sound
Maybe a “Phhskt” and then I was underwater

Sometimes, I’d jump out right in front of the window
When people are expecting to see a killer whale
And they see a human, they get spooked, spooked
Anyway, I’d do that. But I was,
I was in the water this particular day
Unbeknownst to me, Shamu and Bartholomew

Their relationship had gone stale
It seemed I was going in there so much
And I was looking so good, Shamu took a shining to me
And they’re so smart, those things, you know
They got all these human emotions
Love, lust, green-hundred-year-old-eyed jealousy
Bartholomew was livid. Unbeknownst to me,
I can’t hear a god-damn thing underwater

He came up, he was bumping against me a lot
The stale killer whale bumping up
Against someone so pale and frail
How was I supposed to know the killer whale
Relationship had gone stale? Well

He brushes up to me a couple times
His skin is like sand-paper
I said, “Hey man. Bartholomew,
What’s up? What’s up?
What’s going on, big fella?
What is it? What is it?
I don’t wanna steal your mommy
And I sure don’t want to take the place of your daddy
I only want to be your friend.”

And, and he circled around and
I thought we were all patched up and
I was scrubbing and he took my,
He came up, and he, he, he came up
He came up and he, he ripped
He ripped my left arm off

I mean, the killer whale
The, the, the beast of the deep
They’re, I mean, they’re, they’re quite
Docile and friendly in captivity
But somewhere along the line
Thousands of years of breeding
Just snapped and he took my left arm, man
He took my left arm
He took my fucking left arm
“What is it, Bartholomew?”
I spoke to him in a language he could understand
As I came back
(Imitating whale sounds)
*Gord shouts something at the end I can’t hear*

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