PunBB

Okay,

I've seen a few other people do this, so I thought I'd post this here b/c I need to vent and need some advice.

So I teach history here in Kansas City. The girl that runs our admissions department is totally wonderful. She's smart, sassy, beautiful, comes from a tremendous family, (is from Detroit like me!!), and I'm fully-completely in love with this girl. She calls me all the time, we hang out, I've heard through mutual friends that she likes me. So it would seem a fairly simple solution. BUT.......

Here's the deal:
1). She's dating this dude. Son of the most prosperous construction mogul in Kansas City.

2). I do work with her, and would not want to jeopordize my job in any way.

3). I tried to talk to her in the spring, and it was totally strange. She just sorta brushed the whole thing off; but we continued to hang, and things were fine.

4). Her boyfriend hates me / and everyone thinks she really digs me.

So okay hipbasers, what the hell is going on here? Is this chick just loco? Should I attempt to talk to her again? Should I cut bait, buy a ticket for the Hammer on New Years Eve and drown out my sorrows?

Mick

All I wonder (Without trying to mock your situation at all) is when did the Hipbase turn into some sort of dating-advice forum? First there was the question of pot in relationships, and now the work-relationship worries from Kansas?
I hope all 'basers and all people for that matter find what they're looking for....whether it be the girl, or advice from this forum....

Didn't another Canadian band, you know, the one who hates us (the fans), write a song about being in Mick's position?

I cannot offer any constructive advice because I have been in your shoes too many times, and never has it worked out for the best. I feel your angst.

just come to the hammer to see the hip, no disappointment there

chicagoblackhawks77 Wrote:...need some advice...girl...totally wonderful...smart, sassy, beautiful...comes from a tremendous family...I'm fully-completely in love...She calls me all the time, we hang out, I've heard through mutual friends that she likes me...BUT.......

Ummm...I'll take 'em point by point...and please don't mistake my candor for mean-spiritedness; I'm simply offering a "been there - done that" perspective.

chicagoblackhawks77 Wrote:1). She's dating this dude....

If she'd leave / stop dating him for you, she'd leave / stop dating you for someone else down the road. Not a good foundation for a healthy, long-lasting relationship.

chicagoblackhawks77 Wrote:2). I do work with her, and would not want to jeopordize my job in any way.

This should really be point # 1; regardless of how devastating a break-up can be, it's a helluva lot easier to move on from that than it is to undo the damage to your career that is almost alwaysdone by these types of dalliances. It's difficult because most of us spend more time at work than anywhere else, but it's never a good idea to become "too social" with co-workers.

chicagoblackhawks77 Wrote:3). I tried to talk to her in the spring, and it was totally strange. She just sorta brushed the whole thing off; but we continued to hang, and things were fine.

"DANGER, Will Robinson!" Unless I mistake your meaning, "tried to talk to her" means you told her how you feel about her...and she brushed it off? Sounds like she determines the nature of your "friendship" without acknowledging your feelings and will continue to hang with you only on her terms. Pretty selfish, if you ask me.

chicagoblackhawks77 Wrote:4). Her boyfriend hates me / and everyone thinks she really digs me.

Of course he does...you're "hanging" with his woman / of course they do...she does really dig you because you're her platonic friend and confidante, and she probably uses you to keep her boyfriend in check.

chicagoblackhawks77 Wrote:...what the hell is going on here? Is this chick just loco?

In a word...yep! She also seems to be a self-centered "what's in it for me" control-freak.

chicagoblackhawks77 Wrote:Should I attempt to talk to her again? Should I cut bait, buy a ticket for the Hammer on New Years Eve and drown out my sorrows?

If by "talk to her again" you mean pour your heart out and pledge undying love, absolutely not. By all means, be cordial when happenstance bings you within earshot but don't seek her out and if you get the chance to brush her off, take it! The worst thing that'll happen is you'll still be hopelessly in love; the best thing is that she may take a good hard look at who she is and how she's treated you and decide that you may be worth her attention after all.

Unfortunately, that would take you back to point # 1.

Sounds like you've got a date with the Hammer! :thumb:

~Scott.

Thanks guys,

Knew I could vent here!! Sorry to bother you with my problems!! Just needed a good kick in the ass!!

Mick

I'd live your life, keep in touch, remain a friend. Ya never know what could happen. As soon as she's done with the boyfriend, give it a shot...

Might be a good idea to come up with "whoops, an extra ticket for NYE..." and ask her if she wants to go.

tell her...life is too short, alweays filled with the notion that we have to fit in and conform to some structure like the whole 'work thing'...then you'd sit inert, in the thought of this girl, kinda like you been doing, eh? Just tell her all...tell her boyfriend to bugger off if he gets in your face. works good with her now, it could be better. Dont waste anymore time. you could be dead soon.

Yeah... man... maybe you shouldn't take the chance... I mean, there's so many things that could happen... and you have the working-relationship to worry about.... She has a boyfriend... which is a bad thing.... You get along so well as friends so you should just stay friends.... There's plenty of other women out there.... Does anybody believe in soul-mates or that there's one person we're meant for anymore? No. Fairy-tales my friend.... Yep.... Maybe you shouldn't stand up and tell her how you feel... I mean, all the problems that it would cause... she may end up leaving her boyfriend for you... you know?... she couldn't be the one meant for you.... if there was a such thing as soul-mates she couldn't be yours.... Because she's currently seeing someone.... I don't think anybody on the face of the planet, in the entire course of human history, ended up meeting the one they would spend the rest of their life with while dating someone else... cause we're all so... you know.... honourable and what-not.... Yep...

If you didn't realize it yet; this entire post is sarcastic. It has been complete and utter bullshit. If you don't risk it, you'll be looking back on this for the rest of your life wondering what might've been. You will regret it, my friend. Ya worried she'll say "no"? If she does, continue to be her friend and you scheme your ass off day and night trying to break her and her boyfriend up. And then when they do split, you are right there. And she'll know the offer still stands. Love is a battle and the casualities keep climbing but I'd rather die incredibly painfully than be a traitor and run away with my tail between my legs... or not even fire a single shot at the enemy line...

:thumb:

The single worst thing to be left with is "What if?" If you got involved with her and it screwed up your work life, so what. Move on, find another job and another group of people. or stick it out until the storm blows over. Jobs are just jobs. Relationships are too important.

Making a mistake and going through the experience is infinitely preferable to wondering what would have happened if you'd tried. Nothing ventured, nothing gained - so the tired cliche goes - but nothing ventured could mean years of agonizing over the fact that you didn't even try. It happened to me, and it will happen to you. Take a chance, take a risk, and maybe you'll end up saying something for her to feel you're alright and you'll have a great conversation that goes on well into the night...

grooveless touque Wrote:The single worst thing to be left with is "What if?"

Aint that the truth. Regret never eases, it just gets old.

Stand outside her window...in the middle of the night...with your boom box over your head...playing some Peter Gabriel...works everytime!!

I say go for it....